THIS BLOG POST MAY NOT BE ACCEPTABLE FOR CHILDREN TO READ.
I’ve been diagnosed with severe depression by a doctor. I have told several people that I struggle with depression and I’ve gotten mixed responses. Some have told me they feel for me or have depression as well, while others have told me they don’t believe depression is a real issue and that I “just need to be happy.”
One thing I know that I, and other people with depression HATE is being told to just be happy. The same way some people can’t approach a person they think is attractive, the way some people aren’t good with money, or the way some people just seem to have tons of confidence it’s just the way they are. Depression is a legitimate condition that I suffer from.
I have nights where I feel extremely confident, like I can change the world. A few days later I’ll feel like I’m the worst person in the world, like nothing I do is good enough and I don’t even know why I’m here. I have suffered from the worst thoughts someone with depression can have. No it isn’t like a cold that you deal with for a day or two and it’s gone until next year. I have weeks where I don’t deal with it or, like the last two weeks, I deal with it every day or every other day. Sometimes I just feel defeated and sometimes I feel like my life is a joke and I shouldn’t be here.
I lost a friend who was seeking help from depression and it wasn’t enough, and I feel like sometimes it’s better to let someone know. I know it’s hard to do, but it’s helped me grow and deal with it. I am very quiet about my depression because I don’t want sympathy or people judging me based on it. I have good and bad days like anyone, it’s just that my bad days are extremely bad days.
So before you judge me just remember that I judge myself harder than you or anyone else ever could. This is where I find the strength to push myself to try and be a great children’s book author. Try to put my passion and pain from everything I’ve been through into my books to help children who may be going through tough situations themselves. Giving back, donating, helping children, it all helps me deal with my depression.